15 Min

2 minute read

Since my folks passed, I’ve been seeing a therapist pretty regularly. Lawdy knows, I certainly could have used it before then, but mom’s dementia and death, followed by my dad’s sudden and shattering departure 14months later required I make it a priority.

At first, it was mostly to help me cope with overwhelming grief and guilt and chaos. Lately it’s been a time for me to dig in and open up, and then integrate what parts come up with my most caring, and curious, and ideally, contented self.

I am most grateful for my counselor, and I wish the same thoughtfulness and wisdom for everyone, because really, we all have hurts and holes that need to be mended and filled. We all deserve to be heard and cared for compassionately. We all deserve to feel a little fuller by healing from the past and using it to shape our futures. We all need encouragement and soft space to investigate and engage with our painful patterns — we all have them.

My favorite way to cope, my pattern — if you will — is to stay really busy. Always filling my time without that is thoughtful or intention. In the past, I could not slow down. So one day, she asked me, what would you do with an hour of time for yourself, to spend it guilt-free and greedily? I laughed, an hour? Couldn’t conceive of it. Ok, how about 15 minutes, she asked.

I sat there, stupefied. I’d honestly never considered it. Especially with the pandemic. Having any time, taking any time feels so frivolous and foreign. But what if you were able to carve out just a hint of space for yourself, she asked, what would you feel like afterwards and wouldn’t that be worth it, ultimately? Fascinating, I imagined, so I took it home and tried it on.

That’s what ExtheOr is about for me, trying to take 15 minutes to practice, what I’ve been calling relentless self care, and see what impact it has on the meaning I feel throughout the day. I can tell you my days can be pretty mundate — the relentless chores, the endless responsibilities and roles, the constant worry. But, I still think taking some time to remind the soul that I matter too, that I should be seen in a meaningful way, that I am still doing great, even if I stare at a game on my phone for 15 minutes — that’s how I chose to spend my relentless self care, and I don’t feel a bit of guilt about it.

Can you commit to the 15 minute challenge for 21 days?

15 minutes to —

•  Just be.

• Read or watch TV or paint nails.

• Meditate or veg out or close tired eyes.

• Celebrate how much was accomplished today, it may not look like much, but just keeping everyone alive and fed is a contribution so honor it.

• Feel loneliness or rage or deep sadness, and then process it.

• Connect or consider or practice compassion.

• Sob or pray or give thanks.

  What if these 15 minutes made a mundane day just a little bit more meaningful, perhaps rejuvenated ever so slightly — then carving out that time would be worth it, right?

  If this starts to stir any dicult sensations or disrupts a delicate equilibrium, remember there are always resources available to help. Please, take good care of yourself. It feels good to talk to someone, and a professional is a very good way to start. Reach out, you are worth it.