Since I lost the parents who mostly raised me, I’ve seen a counselor pretty regularly. 

Lawdy knows, I certainly could have used therapy before then. My mom’s rapid dementia and death, combined with my dad’s sudden and shattering departure 14 months later, meant that professional assistance was no longer an elective choice. 

I am most grateful the wisdom and healing I’ve gained with the guidance of an expert. I wish the same thoughtfulness and wisdom for everyone, because really – 

• • We all have hurts that need to be healed. 
  • We all deserve to be heard and cared for compassionately. 
  • We all deserve to feel a little fuller by healing from the past and using it to shape our futures. 
  • We all need encouragement and soft space to investigate and engage with our painful patterns, because
  • We all have them. 

My favorite way to cope, my pattern – if you will – is to stay really busy. Always filling my time with tasks and to dos. The path was often filled with adventures and curiosity and seeking fullness from all opportunities. 

In the past, I could not slow down. And while it means that I have tons of tales and plenty of stories to share, I also never feel settled or particularly secure or even entirely satisfied.

So one day, during a session, my insightful counselor asked me, what would you do with an hour of time for yourself? I laughed, an hour? Couldn’t conceive of it. Ok, how about 15 minutes, she asked. 

I sat there, stupefied. I’d honestly never considered it. Especially with the pandemic. Having any time, taking any time feels so frivolous and foreign. 

But what if you were able to carve out just a hint of space for yourself, she asked, what would you feel like afterwards and wouldn’t that be worth it, ultimately? Fascinating, I imagined, so I took it home and tried it on. 

That’s what ExOr is for me. A space that encourages a 15 minute practice, of what I’ve been calling, relentless self care. And if I’m lucky, I’m hoping this question and its related wondering on the matter might help me seek and capture more meaning in the midst of so much mundane. 

I can tell you my days can be pretty ordinary – the relentless chores, the endless responsibilities and roles, the constant worry. And yet there are all these glorious little moments too. 

There are these bits of my girls growing up entirely too fast, these instances where I feel pride and joy and gratitude, and there are these experiences that require pause and introspect and grace.

Plus there are all these tales from my youth and those of my childhood that I want to capture and collate for my girls to share with their girls who then share with theirs…

I imagine and hope and postulate that if I make a little space to remind my soul that I am enough, that I need to be seen in a meaningful way, and that I am of value will make even the most ordinary more extraordinary. 

I’m not consistent in my practice yet, and still when I pause for 15 minutes just to fill myself up with something that brings me joy or calm or hope, I feel better and that is enough.

I hope to report back on my practice – it’s starts and stops, it’s go hard and then go home for a big nap, it’s one step forward and two steps back. I hope it intrigues someone else spending their precious time and energy reading this piece, and they feel encouraged to try it too. I hope we can share a bit of our stories, and who knows, maybe together, we can find some space to make even the most mundane more meaningful – one choice at a time.

Can you commit to the 15 minute challenge for 21 days? 

15 minutes to –

• • Just be still.
  • Read or watch TV or paint nails.
  • Meditate or veg out or close tired eyes. 
  • Celebrate how much was accomplished today, it may not look like much, but just keeping everyone alive and fed is enough so honor it. 
  • Feel loneliness or rage or deep sadness, and then jot it down.  
  • Connect or consider or practice compassion. 
  • Sob or pray or give thanks. 

What if these 15 minutes made a mundane day just a little bit more meaningful, perhaps rejuvenated ever so slightly — then carving out that time would be worth it, right?

Guidelines –

Carve out some time in the midst of a very hectic schedule.
Seek out a peaceful space, and ask – 

What feels good?

When could I fit it in?

Where do I feel most peaceful & quiet?

How can I make the space in the midst of so much busy?

Why does it matter? Why is it important? Why is it worth it?

Challenge – Commit to a 15 minute practice of self care tomorrow…